I think I am morally bankrupt
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
