I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
