batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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