note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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