Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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