Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
