allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
