escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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