Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
