if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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