i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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