They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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