thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
