do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
