She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
