Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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