Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
