i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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