They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize