You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
