Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ketchup is God's man juice
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
