At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
