dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
