I smell stomach acid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
