onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
