Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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