where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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