so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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