Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Green mimosas i think yes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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