4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
