I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
