Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
