ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
