the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
