There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize