shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
