I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
