weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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