see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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