problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
