Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
