i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he thought i was a dude.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
