i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
