you guys were way drunker than both of me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
