she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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