she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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