If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
