so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
