DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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