this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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