why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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