Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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