One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
