how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
