dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
