What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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