my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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