He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
