Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
