Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
