dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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