apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
