so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
