the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
