The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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