she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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